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The Guerrilla Tipster

Olaf — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 11:21:36 +0000

The Guerrilla Tipster invokes his mighty right, passed down by the hands of the gods, to assert wisdom upon the unwitting.

Today I find the signature of the Guerrilla Tipster upon the windshield of a car in the Barnes and Noble parking lot of Duluth:

LEARN HOW TO PARK DUMB SHIT!!

The words are poignant. I only wish I could have been present when the recipient benefited from this sharing of wisdom. I’ll bet it was truly inspirational.

I’m considering having some custom stock made up with these choice words to continue the work of this Guerrilla Tipster. Perhaps with only slight grammatical adjustment:

Learn how to park, dumb shit!

…I don’t know, does a fully capitalized sentence give a sense of urgency? It certainly emotes well.

And to take the words of Ben Harper to heart, “What good is a cynic with no better plan,” some reeducation is in order. I’ve got some really brilliant ideas around this, but I should brainstorm on this to fully realize the genius. I’ll bring you more as this materializes.

A Night of Amazing Celtic Music!

Olaf — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:59:13 +0000

My wife and an old high school friend of ours, Colin Blackledge, have put together a most remarkable double-event concert this Friday off the downtown square in Gainesville. Seven Nations and Emerald Rose will be performing in the small pizza bar venue that is the Monkey Barrel. For $15.00, you can get in to see these great acts as they jam Celtic-rock style! If you want to give up some information in advance, you can avoid the line and get priority entry to the event. Just call (770) 287-0970 and let them know you are interested in the Friday concert with Seven Nations and Emerald Rose.

Friday, October 26th
The Monkey Barrel
115 Washington St.
Gainesville, GA 30501

View Larger Map

Seven Nations is a five-man Celtic rock band that features bagpipes and fiddle. Their style is a fusion of traditional and original music. 7N has toured the world playing the Winter Olympics, Irish/Scottish Highland Games and Festivals, as well as traditional concert venues.

Emerald Rose is a four-man Celtic folk-rock band with a rich, traditional world fusion sound with influences randing from the Chieftains to Jethro Tull. Blending amazing vocals and driving guitars and bass, their music ranges from traditional jigs and reels to original folk rock and pop.

*@%! Road Trash

Olaf — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 13:25:02 +0000

I’m driving to work this morning, minding my own business, when I notice a monstrous bag skulking across the road. It’s one of those clear cellophane bags; the kind you get at the grocery store to hold your vegetables, only this one can probably hold the whole “Fresh Foods” section. Likely a furniture bag, and it looks like it’s up to no good. The bag creature deftly slips through the air, avoiding a near miss with a large truck. Oh, no, the garbage truck is not the target prey of this ruthless, inorganic spirit. I slow so as to go unnoticed by the bag creature, but too late! Just as it nearly passes over my lane entirely, it suddenly curls back in a vicious closing move to engulf my unsuspecting Mazda 3. The hatchback is no match for such a skillful killer.

What a way to start the morning! I was able to pull the bag off, which seemed mostly intact, and throw it away properly at a gas station. However, I’ve been huffing molten plastic bag fumes for about half an hour now. It smells like burning, and I can’t breath so well.

A Surreal Morning

Olaf — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 20:29:19 +0000

Monday morning I began my day like many others. It was the first day of school for many, and it was the beginning of the work week for me. I also managed to get out the door in record time (related) that morning; the sun was just creeping up above the horizon as I set out for work. As the roads were particularly empty, at least in the opposite direction to the commuter’s pilgrimage, I noted a single SUV driving opposite my direction across the median. I noted it, though it was for no reason other than my significant training in Zen Driving. Over the next 7 seconds, I would take special note of this vehicle as it careened out of control and ended up on its side in the middle of the lane.

It began as what I took for childish misuse of an SUV by brazen young kids on their way to their first day at school in the new year. There was a wild swerve into the median – a hard hit against the curb wall followed by a brief foray on a narrow median, ending in the erratic jerk back into the vehicle mainstay. This was the opening act for several more wild swings of the SUV’s rear end as it tried to come to terms with the perfectly straight road. You might say it was going through corrective maneuvers, but each swing seemed wilder than the former until the wheelbase could no longer handle the large vehicle’s centrifugal force. I witnessed the slow and labored moment where the driver-side wheels lifted off the ground and I knew the driver had lost. The truck rested on its side in the middle of two lanes; as though it had happened sometime in the night when no one was there to see it, and now it is found with the surrounding mystery of how it got there.

I pulled around at the very next median break to see how I could help. I have a cell phone, vague knowledge of CPR, and I’m 2 meters tall with great dexterity – surely that makes me useful in some ways. However, people were already running out from stores on the side of the road and other cars behind me had stopped in the road to lend their hands. In seconds, the scene was covered in people looking down into the truck’s interior. I have no idea what happened in there, but I can only imagine a few circumstances. A) There was a fight between the driver and at least one passenger. B) The driver had a seizure. C) It was intentional. All of these are pretty bizarre circumstances in my book. The oddest thing is that it has taken me three days to actually blog about this and I didn’t mention it to anybody until late Monday. The whole event seemed to have taken place in my imagination. It was difficult for me to keep the memory from being a nebulous dream in my mind.

The Disney World Report

Olaf — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 20:54:01 +0000

Disney World Vacation Photos

There’s a place on this Earth where reality fails, excitement is on tap, and prices are only limited by your imagination. Walt Disney’s Disney World creation is the most spectacular piece of manufactured tourism in the world. It’s also one of the only places that truly caters to the whole family, thereby nailing such a broad audience that it’s pure marketing genius. It would make even Microsoft proud.

We took a vacation to Orlando recently courtesy Amy’s parents. It was their pleasure, and gift, to get Balthazar down to see the big Disney castle. We stayed on the grounds at Port Orleans – Riverside, which was a sort of “turn of the century” styled shipwright and ferry yard. At 2,048 rooms total, it was one of the largest resort complexes Disney has to offer. Riverside is a short walk from the French Quarter, the other side of Port Orleans resort. The rooms were nice enough. Nothing immaculate, and they’re all pretty small. However, it was perfectly adequate for a family of three and we did little more than sleep there anyway. On location was a restaurant set to the tune of an old shipwright. There’s a boat skeleton suspended overhead, tools on the walls, and framed blueprints for classic paddle boats. The food was decent, but the price was disproportionate. At Disney, you pay a premium for the atmosphere. That’s an understanding you must carry with you at all times throughout an adventure at this famous vacation spot.

At four years old, Balthazar was just at an appropriate age to introduce him to Disney World. He was sold at the site of Disney’s magic castle right as you turn the street onto Main Street as you work your way between turn-of-the-century styled shopping stores. We could have gone home then having captured his awe in one single visual blow. What I learned (quickly) about young children at a park this size is that it’s way more than they can grasp. The magnificence of the place was lost to someone so small and focused on the now. I first noticed it at a playground near our resort in Port Orleans. He was so excited to see this awesome playground – he could have spent the whole day there. Since the time we told him just two days before we set out on our journey to Disney World, he had been excited at the prospect without fully understanding what it was. Now as we walked around the resort and settled into our new surroundings, he began associating all the sites with Disney World. The playground became the most exciting thing to do (until we came upon the resort-class swimming pool) and was so the object of the trip. No amount of explanation of what awaited could pull him away from the now. It happened again when we went swimming in the pool. This was truly a first for Balthazar. Swimming is something he’s only had experience with in the lake near our house. This new adventure became more important than the playground and replaced the association with what Disney World was. So after days of new experiences, each bigger than the one before, I imagine his mind had trouble grasping the hugeness of what he was in. Regardless of his comprehension, he had a really good time! He has tried out lots of new experiences and I’m very proud of him for that. He was actually really good on the trip despite the stressful and anxious situations he was dropped into. He rode a roller coaster – a mistake on his account, but one that he decided to take on. Needless to say, he didn’t speak much on it afterwards. The simple explanation was “it made my tummy sick.” I can tell those of you who are planning a similar trip that the other parks (MGM Studios, Animal Kingdom, etc.) don’t match up well to the younger children like the Magic Kingdom. It was, by far, his favorite. He liked some individual things at the other parks, but we always went back to the Magic Kingdom to do the Peter Pan, Winnie the Pooh, and Aladdin’s Flying Carpet rides in the end. He also really dug the fireworks display at Magic Kingdom, but so did we! Disney really knows how to put on a show – seriously some of the best fireworks displays I’ve ever seen.

As for the adults, well we had a really great time too! The excitement, Florida sunshine, and abundance of walking rendered all of us napping around midday everyday. It turns out, the very best times to hit the parks are right at opening and later in the evening before closing. Most people are suckers and stay throughout the day, which has them leaving the park before dark with exhaustion. Lines are shorter, the evenings are cooler, and you catch the closing ceremonies, which are always amazing. I can’t imagine the people that do this sort of thing every year, but I did enjoy it well enough to make it a point to visit again when Balthazar is older. There truly is something for everyone at the magical kingdom of Walt Disney World.

Required Knowledge:

Stay at a resort: driving is troublesome, costly, and the resorts offer free transportation to everything Disney.
Visit parks at their opening, go eat lunch, nap, swim, and come back around 6 or 7:00pm for dinner. You’ll avoid the midday Florida sun and longer lines.
Create an itinerary. The parks have mismatched opening and closing times; some parks open earlier or stay open later on certain days. Also look at their special events. If you aren’t that interested in the event, avoid the park for that day!
Watch the Disney-sponsored television in your hotel at least once at the beginning of your trip. It gives you great insight into the things to see at each park.
Eat at Pleasure Island. Pleasure Island hosts many restaurants, fun atmosphere, and more proportionate prices than the much-hyped counterparts within the parks.
Expect to pay a lot for food and dine accordingly. There is no real option for snacks within the park; 5 adults and a 4-year-old will run you upwards of $50-60 and get you more food than you probably expected. Breakfast will be $50.00 at a minimum, lunch around $80.00, and dinner around $150.00 before liquor. $200.00 a day for a family’s eating budget would be conservative, but probably doable.
Stay for fireworks at the Magic Kingdom at least once – watch them from the Flying Dumbo ride location.
Put your kid(s) in the “Talk with Crush the Turtle” experience at Epcot.
Internet access in your hotel will cost you $10.00/24-hour period, but you can hit some Disney sites for free.
If you have a 4-year-old, take the stroller rental option rather than brining along your own (or choosing to carry him). It’s $10.00/day (one pass works for all parks) and worth every penny in convenience.
Try not to buy toys…they’re mostly all Jackson killers.
The Polynesian Resort has some really great food. It’s worth the money.
Birds will take your food.
Bring good walking shoes (surely you know this)!
Coffee sucks at Disney World. The best I had was at Kona, (one of) the Polynesian Resort’s restaurants. It’s a blend of Kona and dirty water. At Tony’s, I added a shot of espresso to a cup of coffee for some boldness – it worked, but at great cost.

And oh yeah – I shouldn’t have to tell you people this, but please be a little considerate to your fellow humans! I can’t tell you how many Disney tourists are real asshats.

Too Zune to Tell

Olaf — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 03:55:29 +0000

I got a Zune for Christmas – a wonderful gift, really. I really wanted to get into the iPod/Zen/etc. scene, but I wasn’t that interested in the whole iTunes thing. I also want video to be a comfortable size and 4:3 aspect ratio. The Zune has that, and is still pocket size and relatively inexpensive. The device does exactly what it’s supposed to do, so no one can really complain about features and capabilities. They all play MP3′s, many play AAC’s, many play WMA’s…whatever. I chose a Microsoft product because I know they have to put a lot on this to compete in the iPod space. The Zune Marketplace is also pretty hip for local/unknown bands. They seem to have put a lot into the Marketplace right up front, which is a good deliverable. I’m anxious to see how it grows before investing in the subscription just yet. If they can help me justify the price by providing things like audio books, movies, TV shows, and other little tidbits beyond just DRM’d audio, I will probably bite. The only real want I have for the Zune is software type of stuff. It would be nice to have usable wireless for synchronization and/or Marketplace downloading, but it’s not a requirement at this point. The software could be a little more robust. I’m used to MediaMonkey, so I have the desire for more ID3 tagging glory and I like MediaMonkey’s Amazon.com tagging. Zune does a good job of this through the MediaPlayer API’s, but it lacks in real innovation. The whole Zune hardware and software modus operandi seems to be around intuitive interaction and simplicity. That’s a good thing, I just wish there was an advanced button hidden somewhere to give me the technical stuff I like for certain functions. Another software nicety would be to link EQ settings to wherever you set them. That is, add the ability to EQ a song specifically and memorize that setting. Regardless of the wish or want, the Zune is said to be very software upgradeable. I’m holding out final judgment to see how some of the first “service packs” go for the device. I expect to see some new functionality coming out for the device within the first quarter or so – whether by Microsoft or others. I won’t be putting Linux on the device just yet, but seeing what people can do leaves me hope. Oh – and there is no built-in FM transmitter in case there’s still some confusion around that. There’s an FM tuner, but the transmitter is supplied by a third-party and probably sucks unless you get it hard-wired into your car. I bought a cheap one ($50!), though I didn’t realize I was going to have to spend in excess of this to get the functionality I desire. Where I live, the stations seem to come and go throughout town and I can’t lock onto a single station and expect it work for more than a couple of minutes while driving. It takes on too much interference too, and I hate that. I realize I could probably make it work most of the time, but the random interruption of static or another radio station will drive me insane. I’m resorting to a hard-wired FM transmitter for the car, which I already own but don’t have installed in the Mazda3.

When I’ve gotten more use out of this device, complete with car integration, I will write again on my more broken-in device and its associated software.

A Black Spot in the Road

Olaf — Sat, 03 Sep 2005 05:25:00 +0000

When I was younger, sometime in my Jr. High School days, I got myself into situations of remarkable trouble. One particular spot in my past that haunts me to this day is in regards to my activities as a teenage marauder. My friends and I used to go out late and night and into the wee-hours of the morning to roam and joke and generally act-up. During one such event, we ventured to another friend’s house to recruit them. As was common, we would go to our friends’ windows and tap on them until they woke up or the house lights went on. As I peeked into this lit room, I discovered that it was not my friends that occupied it, but rather their cousin and his wife. I don’t recall what, exactly, was going on in the room at the time, but I knew that I need not be caught looking in the window. My other friends took a look, and one took a very long look indeed. I don’t know how it was that they came to know of our activities that night, but somehow they heard. Long story short, I got busted for being a Peeping-Tom, in which I felt very embarrassed and wrongfully accused. The guy we saw in the window came over to my house and talked to me outside to get my side of the story. I gave him the truth of it and he left. Later, after he had received potentially conflicting stories from my other friends, he returned to my house where he told my parents in addition the others’. So now I’m in trouble for lying to my parents about the conversation in the front yard *and* I’m in trouble for the Peeping-Tom business. Mortifying. Of course, it was the lie that was potentially more damning than anything else. My mom may have known that my story was correct – hard to say.

This morning, an old woman driving an old-lady car pulled up beside me as I walked the dog. She asked me to turn around in the road before I got to her bedroom window because she felt as though I was watching her in there when I walked Yang. Two things here; I didn’t recognize this lady and I don’t know where her bedroom window is. I know of which house she speaks because I take Yang to go to the bathroom in the same place everyday. Apparently, my presence at 5:00am in the morning caused her some anxiety. It struck me as odd, but also embarrassing again. It reminded me of the story as a teenager and I was hit hard by it. I played cool and just told her that I would not walk by her window again. Now I can never walk Yang down that street again. If she were ever to call the police about me, It would just be her word against mine. It’s a major inconvenience to walk Yang the other way down the street because there’s no “no-man’s-land” zones for her to do her stuff in. Amy is wondering if she would be allowed to walk Yang in the old lady’s direction. I told Amy that it’s going to ruin my old lady porn business something awful. My clients demand high quality voyeurism of old ladies in there night gowns!

I Wish I Bought Electric

Olaf — Thu, 01 Sep 2005 18:34:51 +0000

Gas is out of control. I’m waiting for siphoners and car-jackers to rise into the norm. I told my wife to be wary of how she leaves her car in order that she not create an easy target. She locked my car doors for me last night at the house. It’s not something we usually do, but it’s something we’re thinking about now. I’m beginning to equate locations with costs when it comes to driving. For instance, my round-trip drive to work is about $9.00. That adds up when you look at the week, or even the month. I just tacked on $180.00/month to my car payment. Car pooling helps. If you don’t currently car pool, you should seriously find a way to do it. Check out Commuter Rewards for information. They can help you find other car poolers in your area and time frame. I bought my Mazda3 only recently, a compact, but I’m thinking I should have spent the extra money and gotten an electric car.

Canada Ho!

Olaf — Mon, 01 Aug 2005 20:55:38 +0000

I’m off to Waterloo tomorrow for a project related to work. I’ve never been to New York or western Canada, so this trip will satisfy both. We’re actually flying into Buffalo and driving from there. If I’m lucky, I’ll catch a glimpse of Niagra Falls on my way, though I don’t know that our trip is along that path. I’m not too sure about my hours or Internet availability, so I may be a bit disconnected by tomorrow afternoon for a couple of days.

Break Camp

Olaf — Sat, 21 May 2005 12:52:00 +0000

Balthazar and I headed out this morning at about 6:30am for Pensacola Beach. Against all odds, we’re finally on our way to this “vacation.” As mentioned in a recent post, we’ve had a string of bad luck lately. Yes, I did finally get my car and things seemed as though they might be on the up-and-up. But Just one day before departure for the beach, Balthazar contracted an ear infection in one ear. His temperature soared to over 104° when we arrived at the doctor’s. So, now I’m driving over seven hours with a sick child – by myself. Amy couldn’t come with us due to some overlooked scheduling problems; weddings, Art Camp, etc.

Being sick, Balthazar has done marvelous on the trip. He didn’t go back to sleep until we were well outside of Atlanta. There was just too much excitement with construction, overpasses, trucks, and buildings. He wanted to talk all about them as we went. He slept until we hit Montgomery, where we grabbed some breakfast and stopped to stretch our legs a bit. As predicted, he didn’t care to get back in the car, but he was no match for me in his pittiful state. He didn’t, however, sleep for the rest of the trip. There was more to see, and apparently Alabama charges a $500.00 fine for “dumping rubbish.” I told Balthazar to speak of nothing for fear that someone would mistake his wisdom for rubbish. Having reached I-65, our trip was about half-way over. He amused himself as much as he could, strapped in the backseat of the Mazda3. We listened to “The Point,” which was one of my favorite childhood stories. His patience finally waned when we had reached Cantonement. That’s very near our destination, so I was lucky. He was all too ready to get out of the car by the time we made it to the condo. My mom greeted us with Wooly. It’s been tough for him to get used to everything, but it’s helped that he’s met people very gradually and had a long nap before meeting anyone new. I think he’ll begin to have fun with Carter and Gus, Abigail and Orin’s children, tomorrow on the beach. He seems eager to want to play, and readily took up some of their toys to play with. He hasn’t left my lap for very long, however. It’s after 11:00pm now, my time, and Balthazar is sleeping. Hopefully the night will pass uneventfully and we’ll both get some good rest for tomorrow.