*@%! Road Trash

I’m driving to work this morning, minding my own business, when I notice a monstrous bag skulking across the road. It’s one of those clear cellophane bags; the kind you get at the grocery store to hold your vegetables, only this one can probably hold the whole “Fresh Foods” section. Likely a furniture bag, and it looks like it’s up to no good. The bag creature deftly slips through the air, avoiding a near miss with a large truck. Oh, no, the garbage truck is not the target prey of this ruthless, inorganic spirit. I slow so as to go unnoticed by the bag creature, but too late! Just as it nearly passes over my lane entirely, it suddenly curls back in a vicious closing move to engulf my unsuspecting Mazda 3. The hatchback is no match for such a skillful killer.

What a way to start the morning! I was able to pull the bag off, which seemed mostly intact, and throw it away properly at a gas station. However, I’ve been huffing molten plastic bag fumes for about half an hour now. It smells like burning, and I can’t breath so well.